Baby Showers Galore

In the month of November, I attended three baby showers (and hosted two of them!). All three for very special friends from completely different circles of my life. I'm so blessed to have all of these amazing women in my life and could not be more excited for Peyton to have some new friends! 

Baby Shower #1 - My childhood best friend, Lindsay

Remember back in May when I was 36 weeks pregnant and a bridesmaid in Lindsay's wedding? Well, guess who is rocking the baby bump now?! 

I am super excited about Baby Speer's arrival because I always wanted Lindsay and I to have our kids grow up together. We have been friends since birth (I'm only 2 months older than her) and our dads have been friends since middle school. When I got married 5 years before her, I thought for sure that our first born babies would most likely be far apart in age, but God has a greater plan for us all and now we get to have babies close together after all! 

My mom and I helped host Lindsay's baby shower and it was absolutely beautiful. 

Even Peyton got a fancy new pink outfit for the occasion. Baby Speer's gender is going to be a surprise, but I think that Peyton is guessing that she's getting a new girl friend! My guess is a boy, and this anticipation is so exciting! I can't wait to find out :) 

Congratulations pretty mama!

Baby Shower #2 - College friend and wife of Jared's fraternity brother, Emily 

Emily is having a baby boy, Harrison, who Peyton has already claimed as her boyfriend/future husband. Just kidding. But really, as long as he is tall enough for her :) 

Kappa Sigma Wives Club...aka: now Mommies Club! 

Peyton loves any opportunity to see her auntie!

All dressed in blue to celebrate Harrison's impending arrival! We brought Emily some practical new mommy necessities and some monogrammed goodies as well. I simply can't resist adorable monogrammed baby gifts. There were tons of cute baby games and fun at this shower...and of course donuts, which made me nostalgic of my pregnant days spent binge eating those delicious powdered munchkins from Dunkin Donuts. 

Baby Shower #3 - Church small group friend, Rebecca 

This wasn't really your typical baby shower at all, but rather an adoption finalization party to celebrate Miss Lorelei being "officially" adopted. So even though Lorelei joined our church family back in July when she was born, we waited until now to celebrate her officially becoming apart of her family forever.

The party hostesses! Since Lorelei loves books so much, we made her party book themed. Everyone brought gift cards for mom and dad as well as a new book for Lorelei's library.

Each component of the shower was themed with a children's book!

The ladies who love Lorelei!

The proud mommy and daddy. God could not have placed Lorelei with a more loving and deserving family. She is truly blessed with some amazing parents.

Peyton and her sweet friend. We are so happy that you have found your forever home, Lorelei.

IVF: One Year Later

This time last year, I took you all along on my journey through IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) and shared with you our fertility struggles. Well, here we are one year later with a beautiful 3 month old baby girl. Despite the trials and tribulations, and everything it took to finally get here, we could not be happier or feel more blessed.

Exactly one year ago today, the embryo that was Peyton was implanted into my uterus during what they call the IVF "transfer". Jared and I watched on the ultrasound screen as our fertility doctor carefully and strategically placed the embryo inside my uterus. I remember lying there in the operating room watching it happen and thinking about what it would be like if this actually worked. What if this particular embryo was the one? What if I literally just watched my baby being conceived right before my eyes? Have I just experienced the moment in which my life is changed forever? 

I was also terrified. What if this didn't work? What next? Luckily, that IVF transfer was successful and we now have a beautiful baby girl to show for it. Read my blog post from last year about my IVF experience here. 

Now, it's one year later and how do I feel about the whole thing? Going through IVF (if it is successful) is like having natural childbirth (which I also successfully did). At the time, it's the absolute worst physical and emotional pain you have ever experienced. You doubt yourself and if it's really worth it. You want it to be over and you never want to do it again. Ever. You wonder why the hell you did this in the first place. You want to cry. You want to quit. You want to give up. But you don't. And when it's over, you are overjoyed and pretty damn proud of yourself. You have received the most wonderful and precious gift of all. And right there in that exact moment, it's all worth it. After it's all over, you have this surreal sort of amnesia. You start to feel crazy enough to actually consider doing it all over again. Would I do natural childbirth all over again? Yes. Would I do IVF all over again? If necessary, yes. I want Peyton to have siblings, so if IVF is the only way I can make that happen then I will sacrifice myself and do it all over again. 

The difference between the pain of childbirth and the pain of IVF is the immediate results. Going into childbirth, you know that the instant it is over with, you will have a beautiful and wonderful gift in your arms. (Except in some unforeseen circumstances of course) With IVF, you experience it all, the pain and the heartache, and then you have to wait for 2 weeks for the possibility of maybe something or maybe nothing. 

I have never experienced anything quite like the waiting room at the fertility clinic. Here you have a room filled with perfectly healthy people, some full of hope, but most full of despair. They are risking it all, their own health, their life savings, their sanity. Just to have a chance. A chance at the possibility of a maybe. Just a maybe. 

For the first time ever, I watched an episode of that MTV show, "16 and Pregnant" the other day. Bad idea. I had to turn it off. I almost threw up. As I watched this 16 year old girl struggling to survive and talking about her ruined life, I couldn't help but think about all those people in the waiting room at the fertility clinic. All those wonderful people who would make amazing parents, who would give anything to have what that girl who never even asked for it has. Moral of the story, if you have fertility problems...don't ever watch "16 and Pregnant". 

Every morning, I go to wake Peyton up and I watch her. I think to myself about how blessed we truly are. I think about those people in the waiting room of the fertility clinic who are still waiting. I think about the people I know, and don't know, who want so desperately to have children and cannot. I wonder why IVF worked for us, and not for others. I still don't know why God chose to bless us with Peyton, and yet keeps others waiting. 

I mostly think about a message that our pastor talked about a few weeks ago regarding why God allows there to be pain in the world. He talked about how God sometimes uses the bad things in our lives as an opportunity for us to draw closer to Him. Whether we actually decide to do so or not is completely up to us of course. Prior to going through IVF, I probably would have thought that was a completely ridiculous idea. However, I now realize that for me at least, that was so true. During the first part of our fertility struggles, I spent all my time blaming God. Being mad at Him for not giving me what I wanted or answering my prayers. I blamed Him for my infertility. I knew that getting pregnant was totally in His hands so if it's not working, then He must be punishing me. After months of essentially being pissed at God, I decided to change my tune right before our IVF cycle. Instead of blaming Him, I went to Him and gave all my pain and suffering over to Him. I strengthened my faith in Him, drew closer to Him, and let go of everything else. Believe what you will, but it was the IVF cycle that immediately followed that change in my life that we were blessed with Peyton. Did He put infertility in my life to bring me closer to Him? Maybe. I'll never know. But either way, I'm glad I decided to renew my faith in Him in that way because it has made a huge difference in so many areas of my life. 

So one year later, I feel grateful. Grateful for Peyton. Grateful for my faith. Grateful for the opportunity to have had that IVF procedure. And as I take the time to thank God for those things, I will also say a prayer for everyone out there who is still waiting. The wait is treacherous, but the reward is so worth it. Don't give up. God has a far better plan for your life than you ever could have imagined for yourself.

Nursery Tour

Hey, so remember back when I was pregnant and I told y'all that I would take you on a virtual tour of Peyton's nursery? Ok well, she's almost 12 weeks old so let's go ahead and do that now, mmm-kay? Presenting, Peyton's beautiful (in my biased opinion) baby girl nursery...

Peyton's nursery is basically my pride and joy. My mom and I worked really hard for months to make this the perfect space for our little girl. I absolutely love how everything turned out and this is by far my favorite room in our home...as it should be since it's the most well decorated and has the nicest furniture. Mommy obviously has priorities.

My mom and I went to this amazing baby furniture store in Atlanta called Georgia Baby to order the majority of the furniture. This store is so much better than any other baby store or furniture store I went to because it is basically a giant warehouse full of baby furniture. Most baby stores and furniture stores only have a few models actually out on the floor and everything else you can only see in a catalog. Let me tell you, buying furniture without actually ever seeing it in person is way too difficult. I loved going to Georgia Baby because they had hundreds of cribs, changing tables, etc. all out on the showroom floor where I could see and touch them all. Mom and I spent 8 hours in there trying to make decisions, but by the time we left all of the nursery furniture was ordered and on it's way!

This convertible crib is from the Enchanted collection made by Baby's Dream Furniture. 

These ruffle blackout curtains are from Pottery Barn Kids. The crib skirt is also made of this same ruffle material from PB Kids too. The floor lamp is from Jubilee lighting, and we ordered it through Georgia Baby. The cross on the wall was made by me. I searched and searched for the perfect cross for the wall, but I couldn't find one that was exactly what I wanted so I decided to make one myself. I bought two unfinished wooden crosses from Hobby Lobby. I used the white trim paint from the room to paint the big cross and the pink wall paint to paint the smaller cross. Then I layered the two crosses and hot glued them together. Voila! A custom wall cross that matches the nursery perfectly.

My awesome mother-in-law also happens to be really talented at painting walls. Therefore, I enlisted her skills in painting Peyton's nursery. I must say, the paint job in this room is far better than the paint job in the rest of our house which was done by the professionals. Go figure. It took quite a few paint samples for us to find the perfect shade of pink, but I could not be happier with the color we chose. It is the perfect hint of pink. The color is Diminutive Pink by Sherwin-Williams.

Wooden shelves handmade by Jared's dad. I love the little carved out hearts on the brackets. 

Peyton is so fancy, she gets her own private gate. This is basically the most important piece of furniture in the nursery. It's my "Sadie-you-better-stay-the-eff-out-of-here-or-die" gate. Needless to say, Peyton's room is the cleanest and most dog-hair-free room in our entire house. Thank you baby gate. I highly recommend this gate. If it can keep Sadie out, trust me, it will keep the creatures in your house out too. 

The glider is made by Little Castle, and we ordered it through Georgia Baby. I love this glider because it has a much higher back than most of the gliders out there. That makes it super comfortable for tall people like Jared and I which is why I chose this model. The pink ruffle pillow sitting on the glider is from Pottery Barn Kids. I had it monogrammed myself by a local shop. The floor rug is from The Rug Company, which we also ordered through Georgia Baby.

The little wooden bench is from Lowe's and made by good ole' Martha Stewart. The pink canvas baskets inside are from the same collection as well and come in a bunch of colors. Thanks Martha.

Peyton's crib bedding set is from Pottery Barn Kids: {Maya Floral Nursery Bedding} However, it is no longer available so good thing we bought it when we did. 

This adorable ABC print came from the Etsy shop, LucyDarlingPrints. That girl also makes the super cute little monthly stickers that I put on Peyton for her monthly photos.

This personalized toy chest came from Pottery Barn Kids: {Sabrina Toy Chest}

I am obsessed with Peyton's wall monogram. I really am super jealous and seriously want to order one for my room too. The monogram and the quatrefoil shaped frame both came from this amazing little Etsy shop, SouthernNest.

The lamp on the changing table matches the floor lamp behind the glider and is from Jubilee lighting, which we ordered through Georgia Baby.

This custom canvas wall art was hand-painted to match Peyton's bedding. It came from this Etsy shop, addilyneli. This girl will custom paint canvas to match anything you want. Just send her a picture of a fabric or decorative piece that you want her to match it to and she can paint it! She did an amazing job and I absolutely love this piece of art for the nursery!

Peyton's changing table was hand-crafted in Romania. I know, this kid has nicer furniture than I do. Ridiculous. It came from the manufacturer Romina, which makes super high quality baby furniture all made from solid wood. I love this piece and for some reason it reminds me of the enchanted chest from Beauty and the Beast which makes me love it even more.

Basically my favorite little nook for snuggling with my baby girl :)

Hope you enjoyed our tour of little Miss P's nursery!

Our Birth Story

I decided back before we were even pregnant that when the time did come, I wanted to have a natural childbirth. I'll write more about my reasons behind this decision later, but I wanted to throw that out there right up front because it's important to our birth story. I compiled a birth plan about a month ago. It was a full page in length, typed. I figured that if I made my birth plan look super official, then my body would have to follow it, right? Haha, of course not. I'm not that stupid, I know that things don't always go to plan. However, I like to have a solid plan in place ahead of time because it makes me feel more prepared and less stressed. And when you are going for a natural childbirth, you need to be mentally prepared. Two of my big wishes for my birth plan were that I did not want to be induced and I did not want to use an epidural. Basically, I wanted to avoid all types of medication unless they became medically necessary. Remember, I was an IVF patient so pain and discomfort is nothing new to me.

As we all know, I went well over my due date (9 days) because I wanted to try and avoid induction as long as possible. Peyton and I were both doing great and there were no signs of distress, so the doctors were going to allow me to go all the way until week 42 as long as nothing changed. On Thursday (June 12th - 41 weeks and 1 day), we returned to the doctor for another check-up. At this point, my blood pressure was becoming increasingly high, but there were no other reasons to induce me at that time. I was already dilated 4 centimeters by then and the doctor tried to do an aggressive stripping of my membranes to try and put me into labor. He was concerned about my blood pressure, so we agreed to schedule an induction for the following morning (June 13th). Since I was already dilated to 4cm and he knew my wishes for a natural childbirth, he agreed to simply break my water at first (instead of using the drug Pitocin) when I arrived at the hospital the next morning. It was our hope that just breaking my water would progress things fast enough to where I could still have the delivery I wanted. Our agreement was that if I did not make significant progress within 6 hours of my water being broken, then we would resort to the Pitocin. We went home from the doctor knowing that no matter what, she would be here the next day.

The full moon occurred that night at 12:12am. I don't know if it was the full moon, Friday the 13th, my doctor doing an excellent job stripping my membranes, or Peyton just deciding that time was up; but come 11:15 that night, I was in labor. Since I had a scheduled induction, I wasn't allowed to eat after midnight so I wanted to stay up until midnight to get one last snack in. However, around 11:15pm I started feeling real labor contractions. They weren't nearly as painful as everyone said they were going to be. When I noticed that my contractions were becoming more frequent and they weren't stopping when I changed positions, I knew that they were no longer Braxton Hicks. I began timing my contractions and they were 4 minutes apart. I was overjoyed when I finally realized what was going on because I really wanted to avoid that induction. After tracking them for over an hour, they were now 3 minutes apart so I called the doctor. We packed up and headed to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital around 1:45am and at 2am when I was checked for dilation, I was 5 centimeters. I gave the nurses my birth plan, had my birth ball all set up and I was ready to start laboring. I had the plan, I took the classes, I had been practicing the techniques, and I was prepared for a mobile and natural labor process.

Of course, as soon as the nurses checked my blood pressure, that birth plan came to a screeching halt. My BP had jumped to 173/110 and I was immediately put on bed confinement. Well, there went all my laboring ideas. In order to get my blood pressure down, I had to get an IV of magnesium sulfate to keep it under control. This meant that I was not allowed to get out of bed (because it would cause my blood pressure to drastically drop and me pass out) so I had to have a catheter. Yuck. This also meant that I was going to have to stay an extra night in hospital because I would have to keep this IV for 24 hours after the birth as well. I was not very happy about this turn of events, but luckily the magnesium would not affect the baby or my labor in any way and it would not interfere with my ability to still have a natural birth. They had to give me a bolus (which means a large immediate dose in order to get rapid results) of the magnesium sulfate at first in order to get my blood pressure under control as quickly as possible. The side effect of the bolus was that it made me feel like my entire body was on fire. I was literally burning up, so they put cool, wet rags all over me to make me feel cooler. So on top of having contractions every 2 minutes, I was so hot which made it all that much more uncomfortable. Luckily, the bolus was short term and as soon as it was finished and they switched me to the regular dosage of magnesium sulfate, that burning sensation went away and I felt so much better.

I continued to make great progress throughout the night, relying on my steady breathing and Jared's coaching to get me through each and every contraction. By 6:30am, I was dilated 7 centimeters so the doctor came in a broke my water for me. After that, the contractions started to get much more intense, but I was determined to stay strong. The face of a woman in pain, but refusing to give up on my goal for a natural birth...

By 7:30am, I had reached 8-9 centimeters and things were really getting intense. I will admit that there were a couple times during contractions when I remember thinking in my mind, "Why are you doing this? You don't have to be tough. Maybe you should just get the epidural". However, I just kept with my steady breathing and once that really bad contraction was over, I regained my strength and confidence and convinced myself that I really could do this. Plus, Jared was there constantly encouraging me every time I started to doubt myself.

Around 8:15am, I had reached 10 centimeters and I cannot even begin to describe what those contractions felt like. It was definitely the most pain I have ever experienced in my entire life, and the sensation is like nothing I could ever compare to anything else. Only people who have experienced those 10cm contractions with zero medication will ever understand what that feeling is like. By 8:30am, the nurse wanted me to practice "bearing down" so that I would know how to push once the time came and to make sure that the baby's head was in position and ready to go before they called the doctor in. We practiced for about 3 pushes and then the nurse told me to put my legs down and to not let my body bear down any more or we would be having this baby without the doctor. She instructed me to get through each contraction with quick, shallow breaths until she could get the doctor in the room. Let me tell you, getting all that way and then having to force myself to hold the baby in was a little challenging.

Warning: this is where things get graphic, so read at your own risk.

All of a sudden, a rush of nurses were in my room setting everything up as quickly as they could and the doctor arrived a few minutes later. I got into position to push and geared up for what I knew was going to be the most pain I had ever felt. However, the end was in sight and I was really going to do this all on my own with no drugs, just like I wanted. Adrenaline is truly a powerful thing. Baby girl was coming fast and within 6-8 pushes, she was out. At 8:54am, I felt an immense relief of pressure and the doctor told me to open my eyes and look down, and there she was. The doctor was holding her up in the air so she was all stretched out and I remember thinking, "Oh my goodness, I just pushed that giant thing out of me?!" Jared cut the umbilical cord and they laid her on my chest. Oh my, she was so heavy. Her lips were still a little purple, which concerned the nurses, so they took her over to check her. They cleaned her up and measured her, 9 pounds 15 ounces and 21 inches long. Then, they handed her to Jared so that the doctor could finish up with me. I had to deliver the placenta, which didn't all come out exactly as it should so the doctor had to reach up and pull the little remaining bit out (sorry, I know that's super gross). Of course, I didn't feel any of that because I had just pushed an almost 10 pound baby out of there so that lady's arm was nothing (over-share, I know). Then, the doctor had to stitch me up because I had a 3rd degree tear. Well duh, how else did you expect that giant baby to get out of such a tiny space? I'm glad that Jared was holding her because I was so exhausted and still trying to process all that had just happened.

Jared and I spent a little time alone with her, feeding her and enjoying our first moments as a family of three. I'm so glad that we decided to just have the two of us in there for the delivery. It allowed me to focus best and give me the calm environment that I needed. Plus, being able to share all those first wonderful moments together, just us, was so special.

Then, we allowed the parade of family members to begin! I let the grandmas come in first because I was still feeding her, but I knew that everyone was probably getting antsy in the waiting room. Everyone was so excited to meet her and I'm honestly surprised that there wasn't more crying :)

 Grandma DeeDee (my mom) meeting Peyton for the first time!

 Grammy Gina (Jared's mom)

 Grandpa Ben (Jared's dad)

 Uncle Chris and Aunt Melissa (my brother and sister-in-law)

 Auntie Erika (Jared's sister)

 I can't believe that she is finally here! We are so in love with this little girl!

I am so glad that we were able to have the natural birth that we truly wanted and that Peyton arrived safely. We are very blessed with this happy and healthy baby girl. Thank you all for the sweet messages and congratulatory wishes!