The End of Summer

Today would have been my 22nd first day of school. But it wasn't. This could have been my 6th year of teaching, but I won't be there. As the teachers and students in my area began a new school year today, I couldn't help but reflect on where I am now and how different my life has become. Last year, I sat in my classroom at the end of that first day of school and I cried. I was pissed. I was starting yet another school year, no closer to being pregnant and I was angry. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be at home taking care of my baby, a baby which did not yet exist. I always wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. Teaching was something I loved to do, but it wasn't my dream job. Being a stay-at-home-mom was my ultimate dream job. So there I was facing yet another year in a job that I had a love/hate relationship with. I was emotional, I was hormonal (from all the failed fertility treatment attempts), and I was pissed. I hoped and I prayed that would be my final school year as a teacher. And it was. In fact, I chose to had to leave in the middle of the school year.

Being a teacher is one of the most emotionally, mentally and physically demanding and difficult jobs out there. Going through invasive fertility treatments is one of the most emotionally, mentally and physically demanding and difficult experiences a woman can put herself through. Having to do both of those things together made for one of the most traumatic times in my life. I was a hot mess. I hated everything. I cried about everything. I was literally having an out of body experience all the time. I felt like I was up on a cloud, looking down and watching this person who I did not even recognize completely fall apart. There was nothing I could do about it. I had to give up something. I couldn't do it all. My family, my happiness, and my sanity is worth far more than any career could ever be. So I left teaching. Maybe one day I'll return to the classroom, but until then I am going to enjoy living out my dream job.

As I watched everyone return to the classroom today, I can't help but be thankful for my experience as a teacher. The good, the bad and the ugly. I learned so much about myself, our educational system, how to be a parent, and how to effectively be a part of a child's life. I know that I will be a better parent because of my experience as a teacher. 

There are things I will miss about teaching. The kids. My classroom. My co-workers. School spirit. Coaching volleyball. Watching kids who were once struggling, finally understand. Hugs. Handmade cards. Being a positive role model for kids who really need one. Creative projects. School supplies. Making kids feel special, loved and proud of who they are. Field trips. Changing someone else's life for the better.

There are also a lot of things I will not miss about teaching. But I will not get into the specifics of that here. Unfortunately for me, it was getting to the point in which the bad was starting to outweigh the good. Nowadays, majority of people who enter the teaching profession leave within the first 5 years. What does that tell you about the work environment we provide for our teachers? Just saying.

Today sort of felt like the first day of my new life. My new life where my identifier is no longer "teacher", but "mother". Teaching is no longer my profession. Yes, I still have a teaching certificate, but being a teacher no longer defines who I am. Mommy is my new profession and I could not be more excited. This is exactly what I have always wanted and I am feeling very blessed to have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home-mom.

While all my other teacher friends were back in the classroom today, I was in my neighborhood with my other stay-at-home-mommy friends from my church group doing this...perfection.

Lorelei (3.5 weeks), Peyton (9.5 weeks), Mary Claire (7 weeks)

The summer is now over for kids, parents and teachers. I haven't really noticed because not much has changed for me. I can't believe that summer is really coming to an end already and that Peyton is over two months old. This was a great summer for me, thanks to Peyton. However, I am ready for fall. Ready for football, pumpkin beer and more than anything, cooler weather. The heat of summer is very difficult with an infant. It's so hard to do anything outside with Peyton right now because if it's sunny then I have to worry about heat and sunburn. If it's not sunny, then I'm fighting thunderstorms. Once it starts to get dark, then I'm worrying about mosquitoes. Basically, there is no good time to be outside in the summer with an infant. Peyton and I are ready for some fall weather! 

I hope that all the students, parents and teachers had a wonderful first day of school today! There is nothing like the fun and excitement of the first day. I used to love that. I always thought teaching was very unique in that you get to "start over" and have a new first day of work every year, no matter how many years you have been teaching. Good luck to all and I wish you a spectacular school year! 

I've also been thinking about all the ladies who began Panhellenic Recruitment at Florida State today. This time of the year always reminds me of how much I loved Recruitment week when I was in college. That week changed my life freshman year because it brought me to Phi Mu. In the years that followed, this week was always my favorite part of being in a sorority. It was a time to reconnect to our sisterhood and remember why I joined Phi Mu in the first place. Good luck to my Phi Mu sisters at Alpha Epsilon this week with Recruitment and best wishes to all the Potential New Members who are in search of the perfect home :)

Needless to say, I'm feeling very nostalgic this week. Reminiscing about college, Phi Mu and Recruitment. Saying goodbye to teaching and learning the ropes of being a full time wife and mommy. Peyton and I just love getting to spend all day together :) I can't wait to see what new challenges and experiences being a stay-at-home-mom will bring!