The doctor ordered that I was to completely go off of all my medications for the entire month of July and let my body sort of cleanse itself from all those hormones. The bad news was that we would be making absolutely zero progress in the pregnancy department this month which had me annoyed. The good news...I could do whatever I wanted. When going through one of these treatment cycles I am not allowed to exercise or be out in the heat, I have to cut back on my caffeine and cut out alcohol completely during certain times. So I decided to take the high road and make the most of my month off. A month full of laying in the sun on the beach with my cooler full of beer was not seeming like such a terrible way to have to cope with this minor set back. I was ready to take full advantage of doing all the things I haven't been able to do for the past 6 months, and some running, sun bathing and Sam Adams Summer Ale sounded like the perfect way to cleanse my body of my fertility hormones.
At the beginning of July, I was still trying to get over the initial anger and disappointment of having to cancel our IVF cycle. So Jared and I decided to take a little trip up to his family cabin in North Carolina. Far away from cell phone signals, Facebook, TV and anything that would remind me of my fertility treatments or stress at home. This trip was exactly what I needed to relax and recover from the past 6 months of fertility treatment hell. I was most excited about all the things I was able to do that I would have normally been putting on hold during fertility treatments. We spent 4 days enjoying the mountains, hiking, and trying local breweries. You can read about my trip here: North Carolina {Day 1}, North Carolina {Day 2}, North Carolina {Day 3}, North Carolina {Day 4}
We hiked trails, rivers, and waterfalls all over the Great Smoky Mountain National Park, including one of my life bucket list items, the Appalachian Trail! We would end each day swinging together on the front porch of the cabin enjoying a local brew, feeling blessed that maybe God forced this "break" in fertility treatments upon us for a reason.
I decided that if I was going to survive this month at home alone (during the day) everyday and try to not think about my fertility issues 24/7, that I better pour all my energy and stress into some activity. I have always wanted to run a 5k, but I have never been a runner. Every time I have tried to achieve this goal (another bucket list item of mine) I would just end up realizing how badly I suck at running and quit 2 weeks in. July finally presented itself as the perfect opportunity for me to learn how to run. Once I started fertility treatments again I wasn't going to be allowed to run, once I got pregnant I wasn't going to be allowed to run and once I actually had the kid I probably wouldn't have the time or energy to want to run. I saw my goal being pushed years and years into the future and possibly never actually happening, so I decided that this was the time. God granted me all this free time with no physical restrictions for an entire month, so I better take advantage of this opportunity.
This ended up being a great idea. I ran every morning Monday-Friday for the entire month of July. I started off barely being able to run at all, mostly walking and jogging a few short intervals. This was the best therapy for my situation. At that time, I wasn't really talking about or blogging about my fertility treatments so I had no way to expel all the stress and anger I had built up inside of me over the months. I found that in running. As the month went on, I was able to run for longer intervals and it was just getting easier. When I would start to get tired, I would just keep telling myself to go a little further. I kept saying to myself, if you can endure month after month of those fertility treatments, you can run this extra quarter mile. As I kept that mentality everyday, my runs got faster and my distance longer.
As race day neared, my ultimate goal was to run the entire 5k race without stopping or walking. I didn't care how fast I ran the race, I just wanted to RUN the entire distance. You can read about my race day experience here: My First 5k
I did run that entire race, keeping in mind the entire time that it might be years before I have the opportunity to do this again and that if I can overcome all this fertility crap then I can finish this race. I RAN that race in 36:15, never stopping or walking. I was proud of myself and had a renewed sense of determination to fight on and not let my fertility issues ruin my life.
So although we made no progress as far as fertility and getting pregnant during the month of July, I made a lot of personal progress toward getting myself healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.
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