School ended and I tried to forget about my uneasiness in that department, figuring that I would deal with that when August rolled around. Jared was out of the country and I was trying to cope with my most recent negative pregnancy test. Jared's mom went in for knee surgery and ended up having to stay with us for over two weeks. I believe that her surgery ended up being my saving grace during this month. Acting as her caregiver, gave me a new sense of purpose. I was concerned with her pain and comfort 24/7 instead of my own, what a blessing in disguise. Having her around not only brought us closer, but it kept me entertained and distracted from constantly thinking about my fertility problems.
This month brought a lot of prep work that needed to be done so we would be ready for our July IVF cycle. First on the agenda was genetic testing. The doctor wants to make sure that I don't carry genes for any types of genetic diseases that I could pass on to one of my embryos. This was a very interesting process. All I had to do was spit into this special tube and mail it off to a lab. I couldn't believe that they can figure out if I carry a gene for a genetic disease through my spit. Fascinating. I must admit that waiting for the results of this test was very nerve-wracking. However, everything checked out great and I am not a carrier for anything! Things were finally starting to look up and I was already feeling more positive.
Next, I had to do a full blood panel to check for all kinds of blood-borne pathogens and diseases that I could pass on to my embryos. At first, this was a disaster and I had to go through the run-around with LabCorp. I had to do my test on a specific date and LabCorp was anything but helpful. They didn't take my insurance and didn't inform me of this until I was already there, they were rude and inconsiderate and I almost had an emotional breakdown in the middle of their waiting room. They sent me over the Quest Diagnostics, who only had one office open that day (it was a Saturday) and it was on the other side of town. My mother-in-law was still in the hospital at this point, having had her surgery the day before and I was feeling super stressed out. Of course I didn't have an appointment because I had no clue I would be going to Quest, so I had to join the line of about 25 people in their waiting room. Plus, I was anxious about having to get my blood drawn and Jared was on an international flight at the same time so I was just a basket case. Luckily, Quest was awesome. They were fast, compassionate and had great customer service. The nurse got my blood on the first poke (thank God) and then had to draw 7 viles of blood. Seven! I started feeling light headed and nauseous, but she took care of me and made sure that I was ok before she moved on to her next patient. Quest Diagnostics gets a huge thumbs up in my book. Thankfully, all my blood work came back fine so I was ready to move on to the next step.
We also had to do a "trial transfer" this month which is where the doctor essentially does a practice round of the IVF implantation before the real thing. It's really easy and painless and helps the doctor make sure that they are able to get the catheter (which will have the embryo in it) into the right place in order to implant it properly. They want to make sure that doing this procedure is actually going to be possible before they get your body all medicated and ready to go for the real thing. In doing a trial transfer, they insert the catheter into the uterus and watch it on the ultrasound screen. They inject dye into the catheter where the embryo would be and then watch to make sure that it goes to the right place via the ultrasound. The trial transfer went great and I liked having peace of mind that when it came down to putting the real embryo in I knew we wouldn't have any issues.
Another thing I had to do this month was more injections. It is important to get my body neutralized before we begin IVF. They want my estrogen levels as low as possible before starting the IVF medication. Therefore, I had to use Lupron injections to depress the hormone levels in my body. These were unlike other injections I had done before because they were not pre-filled or in an injection pen. We would have to draw out the correct dose ourselves and then inject it properly. This was all well and good until I had to go out of town for a long weekend without Jared. That meant I would have to learn how to give the injections to myself. I was terrified. Although I had come a long way, I still did not like needles and the thought of having to stab myself was nauseating. However, there was no other option. I had to do it myself. The first time I had to do it, I drank an entire glass of wine to calm myself down before doing it and it totally worked. Once I had done it one time and overcome that fear, I was fine. From that moment on, I did all of my injections myself. Another proud moment. Another form of adversity that I have overcome through this process.
At this point everything was looking up. I was feeling more positive, proud of myself, confident, and hopeful for the IVF procedure that lie ahead of us. I had come a long way and I was finally feeling good about everything.
I received all of my IVF medication in the mail and was ready to go. Here is was $4,000 worth of IVF medication looks like. Thanks to our insurance we only had to pay 10% of that amount, but I was still shocked when I saw the bill. I also couldn't believe that within only a 2 week period, I was going to be taking all of this medication.
Later that afternoon, I got a phone call. The nurse was shocked that my hormone levels were more than 4 times what they should be. She said I would need to come back the next day for a re-scan and another blood draw to see what was going on. She said that unless my hormone levels came down, I would not be allowed to start my IVF medication. I was distraught, but still trying to be hopeful that this was just a fluke and that a re-draw would show that everything was ok.
I went back the next day for another ultrasound and blood draw. As I lay there on the table looking at the ultrasound screen (which I have become quite good at reading I must say), they moved around trying to see if there was anything hiding behind my bladder or my ovaries. Finally, I saw it. A gigantic black mass that appeared to be about the size of a softball. What was it? An estrogen producing cyst. In my mind, this was a nuclear bomb that had just exploded on my IVF cycle. The blood results confirmed that my hormone levels had continued to climb even higher and that this cyst was growing and producing more estrogen as we speak. This meant one thing to me. No IVF cycle. I was absolutely devastated.
I was going to have to go off of all medications and wait until the cyst disappeared before we could do any further treatments. I was heart-broken, crushed, devastated, hopeless and so much more. I didn't know what to do or how to feel. Thankfully, this happened over the summer when I didn't have to go to work or worry about any of that. I wanted desperately to know what was going to happen next and when could we move forward. But all I could do was wait. The last thing a person who has been trying to conceive for 15 months wants to do is wait, but that was my only option.
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