Our Fertility Journey

First of all, I want to thank you all so much for your prayers and kind words of encouragement. I will admit that I was nervous about going public with our fertility struggles and talking about it on my blog. I've been thinking about doing this for months, but I was afraid of what others would think. Is this sharing too much? Does anyone even really care? Is it weird to talk about reproduction on my blog? Are people going to judge me because I'm still young and do have a lot of time to have kids? Does it sound like I'm whining? Or ungrateful for all the amazing blessings I do have in my life?

Then about two weeks ago, I hit a pretty low point. But that emotional rock-bottom made me realize something, I don't care what other people think. This is my body, my journey, my decisions. And if I want to post it all over my blog, I get to. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that includes me. 

However, the feedback I have received from my post has been extremely positive. People who I haven't talked to in years, bloggers I've never even met, all sending me their prayers and encouragement. Thank you all for your continued support. 

In addition to the amazing words of encouragement, I have also received tons of messages from girls going though this exact same journey, thanking me for posting, asking me for advice and support. It's good to know that we are not alone. 

Sharing my story is one of the best decisions I've ever made. Being able to help others who are struggling with my words is amazing. I used to think that hiding my infertility as a secret would keep me safe, but it just made things worse. The more people I tell, the better I feel. It's crazy how simply writing these blog posts is helping me to heal, to feel happy and positive about my situation. Infertility is nothing to be ashamed of. This is my reality and if I can help someone else in the process, then that is even better. 

I have come to a realization. I know this may sound crazy (remember I am currently on a lot of hormone injections, so that is very possible), but I feel like God placed this obstacle in my life for a reason. He's not punishing me. He's using me. I've always believed that my spiritual gifts were writing and helping people. Last week, something told me that I needed to share my story, that I needed to reach out to others who are in my situation. I'm starting to believe that I was put in this situation because it needs to be talked about, not hidden. Someone needs to address infertility, advocate for it and offer support to those who are struggling with it. I am that person. God wants me to share my story because there are people out there who need to hear it. 

Yes, I realize that what I just wrote sounds insane. Maybe it's just the hormones talking, but that is what I believe. It makes me feel better, happier and more determined to stay strong through all of this. Everything happens for a reason, and only God knows what He has in store for each of us. If this is how God has decided that He wants to use me, then I'm up for the challenge. 

I am going to start writing a series of posts discussing each month of our fertility treatments. Don't worry, I will clearly label them so that if reading about my uterus is not something you care to know about then you can skip right over it. Also, please know that this will not become the only focus of my blog from now on. Yes, there will be multiple posts about fertility. However, I will continue to post about my normal shenanigans. They just might not be as exciting as they used to be, as well as severely lacking in the beer and wine department because I can't drink anymore at this stage in my treatment. But isn't reading crazy, hormonal posts written by a wine-free, Diet Coke-free Jacki going to be super terrifying entertaining? Lord, keep me sane.

I've always admired my brother for being able to make light of the fact that he has Crohn's disease. He always talks about it, jokes about it, and makes fun of himself. Through all of this, I've discovered that he's got the right idea. There is nothing he can do about his Crohn's and there is nothing I can do about my fertility issues, so I might as well make the best of the situation and move on. Having a positive attitude is key here.

On that note, I am all ready to whip up some "mock cocks" (term for non-alcoholic mixed drinks coined by our Phi Mu house mom, Pamela) and enjoy my football season!

Be blessed y'all and say a little prayer for us!