Fertility Journey {May}

First of all, I want to thank everyone who is reading all of these blog posts about my fertility journey. Writing about our struggles has been very helpful to me during this process, and hopefully it is helping someone else out there too. I have been receiving so many positive comments and messages from my posts and I thank you all so much for your support. Fertility treatments are becoming a reality for a rising number of couples in this country. In fact, the Today Show did a whole segment on it yesterday which included a live IVF procedure on television. I'm so glad that it seems like the awareness of infertility is increasing everyday. I know what it's like to feel like I'm the only person who is struggling with this, to feel like silence is the best option. However, I have learned that silence is not the best option (for me at least). I always thought that if I talked about my fertility problems that people wouldn't care, or think it was gross, or judge me, or that I would feel embarrassed. Yet, I have experienced the complete opposite since I "went public" with my struggles. People do care, people want to pray for you, and people are actually really interested in learning about the process. I will admit that it is a pretty fascinating process. Plus, I figure that having every person I know praying for me is a heck of a lot better than just Jared and I praying all alone.

In case you need to catch up on our fertility journey, here are the previous posts...Our Secret, Our Fertility Journey, Jan-Feb, March, April. 

The month of May was a very important month in our fertility journey. We had come to a crossroads. After 3 unsuccessful treatments, we had a decision to make. Do we try one more IUI? Do we move on to IVF? Do we take a break from treatments altogether? A part of me did want to give up and just quit this whole thing. I was getting sick and tired of my entire life revolving around fertility treatments. Everything I did was centered around doctor's appointments, injections and doing whatever it took to make the follicles on my ovaries grow. It was exhausting. Plus, I was struggling with work, my emotions, my hormones, and my mental stability. How much longer could I really stand to put myself through this? We ultimately decided that quitting the treatments was the wrong choice. Sitting at home being idle and unaware of what my body was doing was not going to make this any better. I would think back to all those months pre-treatment when I had absolutely no hope at all, and remind myself that I just had to keep moving forward.

Option #2 was to move on to IVF. I was afraid to start an IVF cycle with a month still left in the school year because I had heard the horror stories of what IVF does to your body and how it makes you feel (now having done an IVF procedure recently, I can verify that they were completely accurate about that). Plus, there is a lot of pre-IVF stuff that you have to get done so it is unrealistic to just jump into an IVF cycle at the last minute.

Ultimately, we went with option #3 and tried one more IUI cycle. Jared was hopeful, our moms were hopeful, the doctor and nurses were hopeful. I think everyone around me truly believed that this IUI was going to work, except me. Call it woman's intuition or whatever you want, but I knew this was just another dead end. I started the cycle anyways, secretly hoping that maybe I would be pleasantly surprised by the outcome. The daily injections started once again and had now become what we considered normal in our house. Just part of our evening routine...feed the dogs, eat dinner, do my injections, watch TV and go to bed. I feel like we were now IUI pros. I did my injections every night like a champ, got my blood drawn 2-3 times a week like a champ and went through yet another very painful IUI procedure like a champ. I was so over this whole process, but I was very proud of how far I had come.

The two week wait commenced and in the mean time, we had a re-consult with our doctor. We needed to make a plan for what our next move was going to be in case this IUI didn't work. We decided that our next move (if necessary) would be IVF. Jared kept saying, "well this one is going to work so we won't be needing IVF, but we might as well have a back-up plan"; whereas, I kept thinking, "go ahead and put us on the schedule because we'll be doing IVF". It's a good thing that Jared has enough positive attitude and optimism for the both of us because Lord knows I was quickly becoming the Debbie Downer of the century.

When the pregnancy test showed me yet another negative, I got myself mentally prepared for what I knew would be a challenging journey with IVF. I was terrified because IVF is so invasive, yet excited because the probability of it actually working is so much higher than with an IUI. We had a whole month (June) of pre-IVF prep ahead of us and the actual IVF scheduled for the beginning of July. I was excited that the school year was drawing to a close and that I would have all summer to give my body the best chance at a successful IVF cycle. And so the journey continues.